Build resiliency to increase success

Once you overcome you build resiliency to overcome fear, your goals become within your reach.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela

When I picked my son up from band camp one afternoon, he felt overwhelmed and started venting the second he entered the car. He had been masking these emotions, but he could release everything he held inside around his dad and me.

“We have a performance on Friday, and I can’t do it,” he whined. “I only have four days for it to be perfect. I can’t do it.”

His emotion was high, and we knew it wasn’t the time to reason with him. He has to let it out to process how he feels, then comes reason. We talked about it a little, telling him we didn’t expect him to be perfect. We suggested that he just try his best, and if he didn’t like this instrument, he could try in middle school to find a better fit. 

It wasn’t until the following day that he could honestly talk about it, so I asked in the car on the way to camp. “What would be the worst thing that could happen at the performance?”

He didn’t hesitate because he knew the answer. “I could make a mistake,” he said, “and I guess that wouldn’t be too bad.”

I told him that mistakes are signs that you are trying something new, and he added. “The boy beside me said that if I messed up, he would be my backup.”

I told him he was going into the performance with support, which made it a best-case scenario. We briefly discussed how teams help us, and the beauty of band is that you are a team. As he held his head high and walked into camp, I knew the power of what he was learning. This camp, more than anything, was helping him build resilience.

Resilience is critical. The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.” Resiliency helps us overcome challenges and moves us forward in those difficult times, and it can help us overcome the fear that often holds us back from achieving our dreams and goals. 

As I study the PQ coaching system, I realize that the program is about building your resilience to empower you. The PQ reps help you train your brain to be in the moment and give you a method of processing how you respond to the world around you. It builds the muscles needed for resilience to meet that challenge in a challenging situation.

Finally, it was Friday, and although my son mumbled that he didn’t want to perform, he was lighter. Happier. Not as stressed. When we arrived to watch the mini-performance, he was gleeful, and his smile was contagious. Although he was a little silly throughout his performance, giggling at times and trying to get our attention, I could tell his pride for showing up in how he held his instrument, looked at us, and smiled.

He got in the car when it was over, and I asked what he thought.

“I’m glad I did it,” he said, more relaxed than he had been all week. 

I was glad he did it, too, because, at that moment, I knew he saw the positive energy you get when you overcome your fears.

What fear is holding you back from your dream or goal? Consider building your resiliency because it will help you conquer any challenge.