Perfectionism could be your worst enemy
Teaching online, students can be honest, and more than once, I have found a student or two (or even more) calling themselves dumb for making a mistake or for not reaching perfection. When I hear their self-deprecating words, I am reminded of how hard I was on myself in those days, and I get it. I know how they feel, and most importantly, I don’t want them feeling that way.
Too often, when we make a mistake, we berate ourselves. We want to show the world a polished, perfect person.
This image of the woman who does it all came from the 1950s and evolved into the 1980s, when I was growing up. Women were encouraged to raise their families, work a job, and excel at everything; that was who I wanted to be. I became a class officer. I tried out for cheerleading. I joined every club imaginable, and I wanted perfect grades while doing it.
I also looked at those around me striving for perfection, too. I was in awe of them, and I respected them for what they did well. I feared mistakes more than I feared anything else, and come to think of it, I imagine that contributed quite a bit to the anxiety I felt almost daily.
It was like constantly walking a tightrope; although it wasn’t called imposter syndrome back then, I had it. I felt like a failure more often than I would like to admit, but now I realize that, more than likely, we all did.
Looking back on my teenage years, I realize that I have learned so much since then, and I wonder: What did perfectionism stop me from trying? As I look back, a lot. It has taken me until my 40s to feel confident about putting my voice out there and trying new things, and as I do so, I wonder. What if my students or kids felt that failure was only an opportunity to grow? What if they saw the failure as a challenge instead of them lacking ability?
Daily, I have been writing Julia Cameron’s morning pages. Cameron, who wrote the book The Artist’s Way, encourages creatives to write three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing every morning when they first get up. The pages are supposed to help you clear your mind to allow creativity to flow, and I will say it works. This time, however, I bought her morning pages journal, a companion to the book. On a recent morning, I found the most poignant quote that made me think. Among the pages, Cameron wrote, “Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead.”
I would never have started this blog if I were striving for perfection. I would argue that I need editors or someone to judge it before putting these thoughts into the world, but writing this blog brings me joy. The freedom of facing my perfectionism is energizing and helps me overcome my fear of failure.
As a journalist, I remember waking up in the morning filled with fear. I would grab my morning newspaper and look to the front page where my story might be. I would read that story with fresh eyes, afraid that there was a mistake. As a professional writer, errors impact your credibility. I wanted my credibility to be flawless. But as I look and consider that fear, I now wonder. What did that perfectionism prevent me from trying or doing?
In some way, we all strive to be a perfect version of ourselves, but what if we accepted that on some days, that disheveled, disorganized, and discombobulated mess that shows up is the best we have that day?
As I look at podcasts, speakers, and writers I enjoy, I gravitate toward those who own their imperfections while still learning as they go along. And they don’t give up.
As Michael Jordan once said, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Failure is a part of success. Failure shows that you’re trying. Someone who fails and doesn’t give up only to find that they have succeeded feels more confident than those who never tried because they didn’t think they were good enough.
So next time you have a dream, consider: Is perfectionism stopping you from moving ahead? If so, kick that perfectionism aside and go for it. Do your best, and reach for your dream because you never know. You might manage to conquer it.
