Students need to fail is tied to your New Year’s Resolutions’ success

Remember, every failure is a stepping stone. Each setback holds a lesson, guiding you closer to your goals. Embrace the journey and turn your struggles into strengths.

Failure has always scared me. When I was younger, the fear of an F on a paper or a test filled me with dread because I always thought it meant I was less than.

If you are staring down that New Year’s Resolution list and realizing you haven’t made progress on one or all of those goals or if you missed consistency already, you aren’t alone. Only 8 percent of respondents to a 2024 Forbes Health/One Pull survey said their past resolutions have lasted more than a month.

In addition, the second Friday in January has become known as quitters day.

Those pesky resolutions don’t have to feel so daunting. You only need to know one thing to find success. You need to know how to fail and then how to keep going after that setback.

Over the years and many failures later, I have learned that failure is a stepping stone. Recalling all the jobs I failed to get, all the relationships that failed to work, and the mistakes I have made along the way have taught me something about myself and others. The good. The bad, and the ugly. Some mistakes took more time to heal than others. If one step had been different, my life, more than likely, would have been different, and as imperfect as life is now, I am thankful for where life has taken me.

I have learned that I need to be more comfortable with mistakes to avoid making them. As comfortable as I am, however, I still avoid risks like the plague. This aversion does not allow me to make enough mistakes to truly succeed.

I still struggle with perfectionism, too, and this trait hinders my relationship with failure. When you are perfect, you can not, must not, fail.

But perfectionism is like a flame that burns you out and causes heaps of anxiety and hurt. When I became a journalist in my 20s, my obsession with perfection did more of the same. I would scan my front-page stories filled with dread, looking for any error. Mistakes could warrant a correction, and corrections were a blight on a journalist’s reputation. Failures and mistakes were seen as the death knell that could end a career or make you less respected. At least, this is how I envisioned it.

Learning multiple ways to fail

This all goes to my original assertion that students need to learn to fail. Schools should encourage children to fail, and then help and teach them to get back up again. Yes, sports does do this, but not all kids are into sports. Also, sports are so different than academics. Academics mimic a work-like atmosphere where you are creating a product. It uses various skills and talents: Math, health, reading, writing, and the study of science and history. 

I have students who aim for perfect 100s or all As, and I have started questioning this long-held belief system as I watch them struggle and stress to emanate this illusion of perfection.

How does expecting perfection help when the power is in the struggle? How does it allow for growth?

The quick answer: It doesn’t. As a teacher, I know. When students turn in the first draft of an essay with mistakes, I give feedback to tell them how to make their writing stronger, clearer, and better. Those who listen and rewrite that essay learn more than those who never bother. 

The power is in correcting and learning from mistakes, but if we always make straight As, how can we grow?

I am not saying students should fail to get it out of their system. You need a safe, low-stakes place to learn how to fail. Giving an F doesn’t mean a student should fail a course. They need lessons on handling that F because too often they see that F as a reflection of themselves instead of what it truly is: A stepping stone to their growth and success. 

Rebounding from failure is not intuitive. Too often, we use our failures as reinforcement for believing what we see as our inadequacy. It feeds our insecurities, which hold us back. 

But let’s flip the script. What if we start to see failure as a path to success? What if we see the failure as an opportunity?

Imagine if we started reframing failure and changing that culture in schools and at work. If you fail a test, you get a re-do, or you can make corrections with explanations of what you got wrong. 

In teacher training, we used to show a video titled “My Favorite No.” In it, the teacher would examine math problems, picking out the most common mistake. She would use that mistake as a teaching tool. In front of the class, the class would work through the problem together and discuss where the student made the misstep and how to correct it. That powerful lesson took a mistake and made it a learning point.

She was teaching that it wasn’t the end of the road for that student. It was a chance for growth and a learning opportunity for everyone.

The New Year’s Resolutions connection

It isn’t time to stop reaching for those 2025 New Year’s Resolutions. It is time to reset your belief in what it will take to get you there.

This takes me back to those stubborn New Year Resolutions that you can’t seem to tackle or even start. The first step is to know the most important fact: It is only January. Don’t give up so soon. Put in a little work, and take the tiniest move forward as progress. If you only managed to get in one 10-minute workout this week but you normally don’t do one, that IS success. Maintain that success. Next month, try for two or three 10-minute workouts. Take smaller steps. Celebrate any move forward as progress. Then if you miss a week, reflect. Figure out why. If you were sick that week, that isn’t a normal week, so brush it off. If you were busy helping or caring for others, find a way to protect that time for yourself. Set boundaries. 

Change can be made, but normally, we shoot for the end goal before we even start the first step. This can apply in so many areas of life, as well. Whether we’re teachers in the classroom, a leader in the workplace, or a parent, how often do we show those around us that mistakes are our opportunities for learning? Do we keep the expectations high while at the same time providing a safe space for such growth? It’s these mindsets that are needed for success because the truth is that failure is out there. You can’t avoid it. It will happen eventually if you are trying hard enough, so it’s time to ask yourself. Do you know how to rebound or have the tools to help those around you recover from a loss? If not, then it’s time to take a risk and fail. Then, one step at a time, get back up. Try again. Fail again. Learn again. Eventually, you will find your success.

Want to learn more about what’s holding you back from achieving your goals? Check out my quiz that will help you determine the obstacle that is holding you back. Is it self-sabotage, or do you simply need to break that goal into smaller steps? Pinpoint those obstacles, and then download the free workbook to help you create a plan that will take your goal-setting game to new heights and achievements.